MY BELOVED PARENTS

Miss u Mum & Dad

IN MEMORY

ALFATIHAH - Dyg Kartine bte Hj Md Arshad

It’s a lovely Friday, 26 Sept 2008. I’m in a guest room of HMS Nelson Wardroom of my accommodation having a day MC. My eyes are so BANGKONG and swollen and my visions are not very clear. I put on Yassin on air so I could hear from my headset.

Nabilah rang me yesterday afternoon 1414H UK time when I was having a quick nap hiding myself next to my Piano so that I wouldn’t be seen by instructors. I was shocked when she said “Bang Redzky, Ngah Amit meninggal!” My mum sister, Dyg Kartine bte Hj Md Arshad passed away in Ripas Hospital. Didn’t say much but just nodded and put down the phone as if I could go right away to visit her. I sat down blank speechless and burst into tears for few minutes. My grieve responded abruptly and I just couldn’t believe what I heard. Then Mum and Santi sms me the same news.

Grabbed my Al Quran from my bag and started reciting Yassin for her on my chair in tears. I didn’t know what to do.

I sped off back to my cabin as I needed to top up my phone. Cycled to town and rang Mum. She was on her way to Brunei from Pontianak with Dad, Nona and Auntie Masnah. And they would be back Friday night. Ya Allah, they would miss for her burial. I lost Mum then rang BB. She was in grieve greatly and couldn’t speak properly. She just got back from Ripas Hospital and had just arrived home at Salambigar with my late Auntie. It was 10pm Brunei time on Friday night my late Auntie’s body lay on the living room with family and friends around her reciting Yassin. I cried talking to BB where I stood behind shopping area in town.

Everything seemed to recall everything on her memories before I left UK. I was not on the right mood few days back and my Cornet didn’t seem to sound properly and I even looked through her photos from my laptop which I took from Hari Raya in 2006. She suffered from Cancer since then and had an operation in KL and was in and out of Ripas because there was a complication in her body after the operation. Lately before I left, her condition became worse and she wouldn’t eat as she lost her appetite and she suffered from suffocation most of her time. I remembered a month ago when there was a makan2 at home, she came by but was having her rest in Nona’s room and ended up Nona massaging her. Then on purposely she requested to stay few nights in her parent’s house which are my Grandparents behind.

That was one of the last moment we actually talked deeply with each other. I came by to visit her as she lay down coiling up on bed exhaustedly. I was with Nabilah at that time and I sat next to her on bed. She complained that she had suffocated more frequently lately and I could imagine the pain she went through. I reassured her to recite ZIKIR and being positive and advised her to consume some food. It was so sad on her last moment as if she knew she would be leaving us the she stayed in her parents house for few days to say goodbye apparently. Deep in my heart I knew it would eventually happen because she wouldn’t eat anything. We talked for quite a long time. I mentioned that I have started praying and has changed me gradually and told her good stories. Suddenly she said she wanted to memorise Yassin and I was surprised. "Ngangah kan menghafalkan Yassin bah Boi..." I couldn’t believe what I heard. I love to hear what she said. I encouraged her that she would be able to memorise piece by piece. I would never forget that moment forever and whatever her niat, semoga Allah menerima amalannya and mengampunkan dosanya, Amin.

Ya Allah.. my tears wouldn’t stop flowing even when I am typing right now. I just couldn’t believe this happened and leaving her beloved loyal husband, Pg Supry and her children, Iskandar, Mas, , Puteh, a girl, Nurul and Rafi.

I was still in the room with her when she said my Mum has been very nice to her… “Boi.. baik tu Mama mu ah, kan ku kanang tu and jua adi beradiku.. Ngah Supri pun baik menjaga kediaku sama familinya...” Rawan hati ku mendangar when she said that. We cried together in that room. Ya Allah give me strength to type to share my sweet memories with her to family and friends out there… I don’t want others to see me crying now as I am in a public room in which anybody could just bump in to use the room for internet as well and further more it’s lunch time now.

Alright, lets continue….She even asked for forgiveness from me. “Boi, maafkan Ngangah ah…” And I asked for forgiveness to from her. She mentioned that one of her children, Rafi ever prayed next to her and bedoa in tears for her mum’s health to be recovered as before. She said “Kesian c Rafi ah ia bedoa smbil menangis2 supaya Babu jangan tinggal kan kedia”.

Nabilah was quite moody that she had to wait for me for so long and in the car I told her, “Nabilah, iatah masa nya tani bejumpa sama Ngah Amit, sedih ku tadi and kami bedua betangisan. Ngah amit kan ngafalkan Yassin yatah rawan hati ku” Then straight and changed direction, I drove to Huaho Manggis with Nabilah to buy a surprise for Ngah Amit. I bought her a CD player so that she could listen to Yassin and start memorising it as she had always wanted. It was like an urgent matter that I needed to get as I wanted to leave to UK for 2 years. Once paid, drove back to Salambigar and happily I gave her that CD player with CD Yassin. Unfortunately my CD Yassin couldn’t read. I felt good passing her that CD player and few days later I bought her that CD Yassin and gave her in her house in Rimba. It was raining heavily that night when I passed that CD. I climbed up the 3 stories house to her room. There she was laying with her beloved Husband, Ngah Supry next to each other so lovingly. I didn’t want to show my real emotion to her and has always wanted to show positive reaction. I could have cried seeing her but I didn’t stay long. “Terima Kasih Boi ah, mudah mudahan ko selamat.”

On the D day of my departure to UK, Mum advised me to call Ngah Amit. I did when I was about to board the Aircraft. I called c Mas, then she passed it to her Mum. “Boi, sorry ah, Ngangah inda dapat ngantar…. Ok tu Ngah, doa2 kan ku saja ah…” That was the last moment I talked to her on my departure on the 5th Sept 2008.

Last night, I cried and cried while cycling in a cold weather to the Mosque for Tarawih. I kept saying, “mana kita Ngah? Insyaalah I would keep you always in my prayers.. “ as I imagine her body laid in the living room last night.

I woke up at 3am and it was 10am in Brunei and BB told me that her body was buried at Salambigar Cemetary. Alhamduliallah it’s done. I cried again while reciting Yassin then I prayed Tahajud and Tasbih. After Sahur, I recited Alquran till morning. Slowly I watched clear sky and then sun slowly emerging.

Ya Allah, ampunilah dosanya, terima amalannya, tempatkan ia bersama orang2 beriman dan semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat Amin….Sesungguhnya aku merasa terharu pemergiannya di Malam Jummat di bulan Ramadhan.

MY FAV GREMLINS

Burning Midnight Oil For TASBIH PRAYER

I was not in a mood today probably because I was feeling pretty tired and exhausted. Everything seemed to be unright and I felt so restless. My Cornet didn’t sound the normal sound as it used to . But I ended up drawing something on my book killing the time.

There was a time the weather was very windy and cold especially during Steandeasy this afternoon as usual I didn’t join others for Coffee as I was fasting. I went up to the Chaplain building normally to recite AlQUraan but today I was just releasing my tension and watched Goldon Brown on TV.

Finally I got my bike yesterday from brand Scott for £349 and altogether with lights, locker and mud guards I paid them for £418. I felt so happy yesterday. It was right after my tutor with Professor John at 1530H, I zoomed off to Fareham by walk. Bought return ticket from Portsmouth Harbour to Fareham and return for £4.30. Everything set and I brought my bike eventually home.

That night, as for my purpose of my having a bike, I cycled to Portsmouth Mosque in Fratton for Tarawih. I wore my thick jacket as it could be very chilly at night and this would be my first time cycling at night. When I got there, I was early and Isyak started at 2100H. I felt so grateful to perform my Isyak in Jemaaah as well as my Tarawih with other Jemaah particularly in England. Moreover we are in the 10 last day of Ramadhan and this would be the very best time to perform Ibadat to coincide with Lailatul Qadar somewhere in between Insyaalah. I managed to do 8 Rakaat of Tarawih then I sped off back to Nelson and it was not too bad at all.

I woke up at 3am purposely as I wanted to perform Tahajud prayer as well as well as Tasbih prayer. I just hope I could manage to cycle to the Mosque every night until Raya appear. My times was just nice as I drank 2x thick coffee to keep me awake. Had my quick Sahur then performed Suboh prayer and completed 1x Juz of Al Quran till 0600H. I had a quick rest before I cycled to Music Cell with my new bike.

1930's book for 50p

SUNDAY Car Boot Sales in Portsea

I really had a great Sunday, the best ever so far since I’ve been in UK. I was cleaning my laundry and around 11 am, I cycled down town checking out the Money Changer and unfortunately it was closed meaning I couldn’t get my bike by today. Hmmm….. Then I scrolled around Portsea, a place where I got lost last Friday and surprisingly when I got there, there was a Car Boot Sales on the park. I love it as much as I love the Sun…. I bought my self small collectable stuff. Walked along the Seafront and enjoying the view.

Scorching Saturday 20 Sept 08

I woke up late this morning not until Dimitris rang me up at 10am. I got up early for my Sahur and made my self a thick coffee I just bought from Tesco last night in preparation for 10 days of last Ramadhan. Frankly I lost track when would be the last 10 days of Ramadhan as I heard here in England they started fasting a day earlier than Brunei. Anyhow regardless of whatsoever, time to heads up for the Ramadhan opportunities…Insyaalah.

A quick dry cleaning that morning in excitement to get my new bike, Dimitris and I cycled towards Portsmouth Port Harbour train station and he bought myself return tickets to FAREHAM. After 20 minutes journey, we arrived and bike shop was just around the corned. It was called HARGROVES CYCLES. I was blurred not knowing what to get. They’ve got heaps of them and Dimitris suggested me to get SCOTT brand as he got the same one he bought couple of weeks ago. Funny thing about him, he did all the talking instead of the salesman. And he kept on repeating that SCOTT brand is the top brand there’s no comparison with other bikes bla..bla… I tried on that particular SCOTT bike and it was so light and very comfortable. NICE… I thought!! Check out the price… 349 Pound… Yuuuhhuu!!!! Initially it was 399 Pound and the price was reduced. Hmm…. Put on deposit for 10 Pound and yeah I am getting that bike and I needed to change some money. I would hope money changer would be opened on Sunday.

Coincidently, there was FAREHAM FESTIVAL with Vintage Cars parading along the road with Samba Band. We were lucky to be there. I bought my self a second hand HEATER for 5 pound, not bad eh. From Fareham, we headed back to Portsmouth and I just couldn’t believe that Dimitris was still talking about the SCOTT brand, the top bike brand bla.. bla. WE stopped by the bar accompanying Dimitris to get something to eat. Hmmm certainly not a good place for a fasting person.. Cobaaan.!!!! Before I left home, walked around the Gun Wharf Quay for a while and found myself a scrapping shop there. Yeahhh I found you!!!!

After a long day of a wonderful Saturday… finally got home and straight away headed for Sungkai with Mushroom Soup, VEGETABLE CASEROLE and Ice cream. Finally I talked to that foreign officer and only knew that he was from Estonia as he hardly speak up. I was knackered and I didn’t realize that I slept on my prayer’s mat after Isyak until I woke up in the middle of the night and moved on to my bed.

BIKE... Here I come

Last Friday, 19th Sept 08, TOM PIERSON lend me his new bike for the weekend. He is my neighbour who lives next door of the Music Cell in the Royal Marine Band School of Music. He plays Bass and I could hear he practises his Bass sound and apparently he's been hearing the high register of my Cornet... Hahah

I got so excited riding his 400 pound bike which he bought in Southsea. What a price... I had a test drive behind the school building and I realised the saddle was really high. Right after he gave me his bike locker and key, I sped of to the rear gate and headed home. As I made an immediate turn, I lost control of the bike and fell off over the side of the road. Ouuchhh!!! Hurt my knee and had a torn on my pants. Changed clothes a quick as possible and cleaned up my bleeded knee, cycled towards the Portsmouth mosque for Friday Prayer. I got lost and ended up at Southsea but managed to turn back to Holbrook Road for the mosque on time.

Cycling around further North as I drifted away from the Mosque and when I checked out the Map, I was really further up North and turned back again to the Commercial Road. My HSBC card was ready for collection and yet waiting for the PIN to be delivered. Met Dimitris, a foreign officer from Greece with his great bike. I told him that I wanted to get a bike and he is the bike maniac and the right person to ask.We planned up to check out bike shop tomorrow in Fareham.

Hooked my self with internet all nite right after my Sungkai till midnite. Yahoo... it's my 2nd Weekends.......

Check out these Drummers... Aren't they COOL!! It was last Friday afternoon, I was in my cell practising my breathing exercise when they all flocked in the building right after their marching parade practise...

ROYAL MARINE BAND HELMET

Look at that Goergeous Helmet issued t0 the Royal Marine Band to be used when they conduct on marching parade. I must get this Helmet before I leave.... Great Stuff!

Farewell Cake

Farewell Cake given by Shukriz and Chicko few days before I departed to UK. It was a nice evening dinner at Le Taj and Shukriz showed us his complete Camera set he just bought in Singapore.

THE YOGI BREATHING EXERCISES

Another lovely day today with sunshine.... Another day in my 3 x 5 metres Music Cell the whole day. I was actually measuring the Cell my self with my feet. You know after blowing that Cornet for nearly 2 weeks now, I tend to create something funny in my Cell or else I wouldn't survive.

Today I learnt something new. The Yogi Breathing exercise, which help students to improve on their blowing. I actually tried all the exercises and apparently it worked on me and yeah.. great stuff. Even my neighbour next door realised on my sound. 'Today you sound better but yesterday was no good'. Hmm.. The past few days, I haven't touch my Piano yet as I have concentrated and focused on my Cornet so far . Proffesor Robert of Piano had been on sick leaves. Another hectic day when I start my Piano lesson soon....

Weekends here I come. I want to get a bike badly. 10 days of last Ramadhan is just around the corner... So guys out there, grab this golden opportunities..

IFTHAR at HMS NELSON Bar

I had a great day today. The sun was a bit more friendly and warmer. I couldn't believe I could complete 5x Juz of AlQuran today and it never happened before. Started after Subuh Prayer this morning, another one before my class started, one during break time at Chaplin building, one in the afternoon and final one in my room before Sungkai. Alhamdulillah...

I thought of buying a Bike urgently so that I could go to the nearest mosque for Tarawih. Been there once last week during Jumaat Prayer and walking from my accomodation to the Mosque would take me half an hour. I have been wanting to grab any opportunities to perform Tarawih atleast 10 days before Ramadhan. If I were in Brunei, it wouldn't be this hassle. I guess this would be my challenges. I shall ask anyone from my class if they would let me rent their Bike till end of this month.

Every Wednesday, dinner will be on Buffet served in a Bar. Hmmm. Sungkai time getting earlier as today was at 1913H. Had 3x dates from my Cabin and prayed Maghrib before I headed for my 'scran' at the Bar. Felt awkward having my Vegetable Curry with steamed rice infront of liqours and beers infront of me. Well.. Seen that, been that, tried that and FORGET that!!!!!!!! Hehehe

Here are some pics of me in my Music Cell on Wednesday afternoon while others had gone for recreational training and I was left behind blowing my CORNET religiously. I am serious!!

FUTURE MAESTRO ROUTINE

The weathers just getting more colder lately and I couldn't help it without my wooly pully. Surprisingly I woke early as early than usual at 0715 am. I just felt happy and in a good mood today. Routinely I would passed over that Hall Porter, got out from the big, tall Wardroom door. Felt the cold breeze and my eyes would start becoming watery as usual. Walked down the stairs leaving that HMS Nelson building in which it has always mesmerised me everytime I open that big, tall door. Its just a wonderfull building... Victorian, brick wall, tall ceiling and wooden interior. I bet this bulidding has been built for more than a 100 years now. I just wish I could built such similar interior back home someday.

Just crossed the road, I arrived at HMS Nelson and walked through the gate where I showed my ID pass to the Police. Headed to the Royal Marine Band School of Music is a 5 minutes walk. I would come accros where other ranks would salute me or rather people would go confuse wheather to salute or not considering of my Asean look or strange identity. Heheh I thought it was funny when I pretended not seeing them but then accidentally starred at their hand wanting to solute. I laughed inside my heart and has always made me smile heading towards my music cell.

Yeah, my Music Cell building as it was a prison building before as everyone has always convinced me from the moment I stepped in on my 1st day. I thought so by looking at individual room but of course it looked so different now. I would never go to the front door passing through the security and preferred to go from the back door where I would just pinned down the secret numbers from the door. Once arrived in the Cell, felt warmth and ready to start for my music. But it was quiet and everyone must have gone for Parade Training or Physical Training.

I would try to recite my AlQuraan for few pages before I start blowing my Cornet. Routinely I would blow my Cornet for 20 minutes not more than that coz my lips would start to get swollen by then. Then I would always start playing the Piano practising my speed on the Scales. Break time at 1015H, sometimes I would join others for Standeasy for coffee break. I would just sit there watching them sipping hot drinks. Or else I would go to the Chaplin building and continue reciting my ALQuraan there. I was introduced to the Chaplin on my 1st day and he said I could use the room for praying or anything. I prayed Asar few times here at one corner of deserted room. Then the room was filled with lots of Bibles and religious books. I would just imagine that this is pretty like a gathering room rather than a Church just to avoid and misconcept intentions. After standeasy, we would continue to do our individual practise till 1720H. I spent religiously in my Music Cell today blowing my Cornet and practising Piano every minute of it. I wanted to improve and learn as much as I can. Besides that, I have also reciting AlQuraan whenever theres spare time as I wanted to complete ASAP particularly before Syawal of Hari Raya, Insyaalah. Now I'm heading towards Juz 4 as I started yesterday on Monday.

Back to HMS Nelson Wardroom, had Asar prayer and grabbed my Laptop bag to the Guest Room above the Hall Porter. I thought of going for sight seeeing today but considering the weather was very cold and windy, I changed my mind. I just couldn't stand cold weather. Got online connected with family and frens while waiting for Sungkai at the Dining hall. 1915H Sungkai time here and I had Fish with mashed Potatoes, Green Beans and Broccoli. Started with Tomato Soup and Apple Tart as dessert. As much as possible I would try to avoid any meat meals. My dinner would cost me 2 pound and 25 p per serving and my meal throught my 2 years would be met my the Armed Forces. Lucky me. Next room, had coffee and started updating with the papers. Accidentally looked through Page 3 of SUN paper. Wow.!!

Basically this would be my routine life for the rest of my course here. So far so good and I have nothing against all this because I have been paid for this.. Hahaha Nice and relax...

MY MUSIC CELL

Not Bad for SAHUR eh...

SUNGKAI Delights

SUNDAY BLUES

This time I managed to wake up for Sahur atleast for 5 minutes and quickly drank the Ribena and grabbed the baggette from last nite before times up. I could say its better than nothing. Hehe... My Sunday has been so quiet and lazily I was just doing my laundry and cleaned up my room. I had to throw my soaked Strawberries to the bin as they started to taste sour. Sayang eh... Too Bad!

Yesterday I really had a great Sungkai down at GOSPORT with my colleagues. I had to go down to GUNWHARF QUAYS by taxi crossed over the river by Ferry to reach Gosport just to get the best scran. Then they fetched me by a car. What a lovely accomodation they have... Surely cosy and Confy. Thank god I don't have to wait longer time for Sungkai. Well I managed to grab some pics around the area. Lovely sceneries... Its Scran time!! Food was great, Fish Halibut in Tomato Sause, Fried Egg, Sambal Belacan and some Veggies... Wow!! I could say the best food ever served in Ramadhan... I ended up 2 rounds of meal... Fewh. Watched the 1st episode of Lord of the Ring on TV. Once finished, the dropped me off to Gosport Ferry and I walked from GunWharf Quay to Nelson. Not too bad for a 1st timer... at least I saved 4 pound. Hehe.

I got home by midnite and I was stunned by my reserved Sahur food prepared for me. Baggette with Roast Chicken, Potatoes in Mayonese, Salad and Eggs. Nice and much better then my previous prepacked Sahur....

MY 1st Weekend in Portsmouth

Woke up at 8am on Saturday. I tought it was a week day. I realised I missed my Sahur last nite and there was Cheese Sandwiches, Crisp, Chocolate Biscuit packed for me left untouch on the table. Was tempted to see the Strawberries which I bought for a pound from town last nite I tought it would be good for my sahur. Hehe Well with a litlle bit of disappointment, I got up and cleaned up my room. There was my praying mat still laying on the floor after my Qhatam AlQuraan alone right before Isyak last nite. It felt good that I eventually Qhatam my 2nd AlQuraan this year particularly in UK. I didn't remember much last nite as I slept on the praying mat and got up somewhere in the middle of the nite and moved to my bed.

Wanted to do my laundry but it was full. SO went the Hall Porter and I tought I wanted to try to use the Wardroom Wireless. Paid 2 Pounds and hey I was online. Went to the Guest Room on top of the Hall Porter and was online with Shukrizz, SHer and Nina. What a good laugh! Strangely when I opened Shukriz blogspot, there was this sentimental and touching song on the air and concurently I was opening my hotmail and there was an article about MUM. TEARS came down from my eyes and I was just speechless while reading the article. I couldn't believe I could be this emotional. I felt homesick... Thanks god I have friends around to keep me company.

My 1st weekend in the UK, felt lazy to go out. I could live like this to be online all the time in 2 years rather than going out and froze to death. Haha the weather is just getting colder and colder. I couldn'nt stand it sometimes.